Vietnam - Sapa

Up in the mountains it was downright parky, and a good thing too cos' we've been sweltered for weeks, and I'll own up to some sloth-like behaviour. Time a walk, thought we. Ambitiously, we signed up for a three day trek and off we went in our brand new (matching, oh dear), hiking shoes, accompanied by a ballet dancer, a french couple and a Canadian barbie queen.

Like a merry band of hobbits we traipsed. Uphill and down glades, through bamboo forests, and rivers, buffalo herds and rice paddies carved into the hillside in steps. Farming hillside rice is like a maintaining a giant play-doh model that constantly wants to landslide into the valley. Each step carved into the hillside is separated by a squishing wall of clay and irrigated by fresh water channeled from the top to the lower levels through gaps like a giant handmade water feature. For the finale, we teetered for about a kilometre along one of these clay barriers, about 6 inches wide. Miraculously, only the ballet dancer fell in the sludge, though we all still managed to get plastered like the buffalo.

We were very proud of our achievement, but Black Hmong people kept nimbly overtaking us on steep slopes, carrying armfuls of rocks and sticks and never seeming to get a spot of mud on their outfits, which are extremely stylish, all-black knee length shorts with a split dress on top and black velvet leg-warmers. How very Portobello!